Sunday, 19 May 2013

Why I cut my hair

Cutting my hair wasn’t an impulsive action.
It wasn't because I was depressed (my teacher had to ask).
It wasn’t because I wanted attention (that was actually one of the reasons that made me reconsider doing it, having people stare at you is never fun).
It wasn’t to look prettier or because I hated how I looked.

I am a curious person,  I wondered what it was like to not have long hair.
I wanted to experience that, and I saw no harm in it, hair grows back.
I wanted to free myself from the attachment.
What attachment?
My father used fear as a parenting tool and he used to threaten to shave my hair while sleeping (you can imagine all the nightmares I had).
I grew attached to my hair, it belonged to me and only me, going to the hairdresser was something I dreaded. I didn’t want anyone to touch it, I didn’t want to lose it.

I knew it would have been a huge step out of my comfort zone and I wanted to experience that because I knew it would help me grow.

During that phase I saw people suffer from cancer (my uncle among them) and lose their hair.
They suffered a lot from the loss of hair.
As if all their beauty was only found in the hair.

It is not true.

You can be beautiful without it.

You can be a woman without it too.

My mum’s uncle said to me “but your long hair makes you a woman”

My short hair won’t make me any less of a woman.

Maybe society could see for once, what makes me beautiful, which is not my hair.

When I told my mother that I wanted to do it, she didn’t take me seriously first.
I asked my classmate to get a razor and the next day in the institute (23-11-2011) I grabbed a garbage bag, put it on and took my classmate to do it in some abandoned place near the institute.

My older classmate refused to let me do it first, I took her aside and we talked about it, during our talk she started crying and approved of what I wanted to do.

I didn’t expect it to affect people that much, I knew it took a lot of courage to do it, but I didn’t expect that courage to affect my classmates.

My classmates did it, somehow something went wrong but regardless, I was super happy to have shared that moment with them.

With my classmates before I cut it.

I felt prettier and more confident with shorter hair and I am no longer afraid of losing my hair :)